I'm pretty sure I've mentioned this before, but it's been playing on my mind again recently, and it's the word 'integrity'. It is one of the most difficult concepts to define but it embodies the behavior and the values that I strive to achieve in my life and expect in the people I spend my time with. It's often linked with consistency of character, honest motives, truthfulness and is the opposite of hypocrisy.

But why has it been at the forefront of my headspace so much recently? I think it might be because, and I hate to admit this, I don't see alot of integrity around me. I have found myself growing irritated at people's lack of commitment, obsessive relationships, dishonesty and beginning to doubt people's motives. It was all brought to light when we received some bad news, and there was a very small number of people that I felt comfortable talking to about it. Because it was only those people who I thought would really care and support me when I needed it down the line.

On another level, Christian integrity or authenticity; it's something that can only come from fully understanding God's purpose for yourself as a disciple and for humankind as a whole and it's something I see even less of. Which is crazy when you think about how many of my friends are Christian and I think that's why I've become so cynical with regards to the church in Northern Ireland. So I'm taking it easy this evening, preparing for 2 weeks of church youth schemes, and praying for a little revival in my heart and a little hope for the relationships in my life, including the one with Jesus.