Everything feels like a compromise at the minute. And for a stubborn, impatient soul like mine, the concept of compromise is difficult to come to terms with. Because I am a substitute teacher, my phone can ring at 8am any morning and I have 50mins to wake up, get up and find a school I've more than likely never heard of. In the hope of securing work, I don't make many plans most days. So the days I don't get a phone call, I don't really know what to do while most people are off making money, being educated etc etc. I find making lists is a good way to feel like you're being productive, then spending the odd hour or two on YouTube is completely justified. Especially if you find that one really great video to share with the world.

My daily routine, which is anything but routine, means I'm living a compromised life somewhere between student and young professional. This might sounds like the dream to some people, and I thought so too for a little while, but it's starting to take it's toll. My current living arrangement is the very definition of compromise. I want to live back in Belfast because I miss the city and it's lifestyle and it's people but I don't have the reason or funds to do so. I don't want to live with my parents again for reasons I don't have to explain to anybody in their 20's. So I live in my own flat, that my parents own, next door to their house. It's a positively suburban location, which comes with a positively suburban social life free of charge. Thank God for my car.

And this isn't where the compromises end. Without going into details, I feel compromised in alot of my relationships as well. I think I'm doing and saying different things to and with different people to avoid confrontation and in not one of these situations am I totally being myself. I'm not sure how to fix it, because my friends, old and new, mean the world to me. When everything feels like a compromise, it's difficult to stay motivated and easy to feel frustrated at really simple things. I think I would cope just fine if there wasn't so many genetically abnormal house spiders inviting themselves into the flat. Seriously, the 8-legged monsters have pushed me over the edge.