Minor Turbulence

I arrived home this evening, turned on the lights, locked the door, lit a candle and sat on my sofa. It was very quiet. No sound except my fridge humming and my cat purring. (Finally somebody was home to give the poor thing a little love!) I didn't even notice time go by because I was so deep in thought. I know what was on my mind, but if you asked, I wouldn't have been able to put into words exactly what I was thinking.

I'd received a text with some information that made me stop. Just stop. This week was strange, re-adjusting to sub-teaching after full time work. I've been lazy and unmotivated, and the week just didn't seem to flow nicely. But I found things to do with the day (after sleeping in longer than one should on a week day!), whether it was a cleaning spree, organising something, going somewhere or seeing someone. Without even knowing it, I distract myself from whatever's bothering me but eventually, you have to sit down, set the distractions aside and think about things.

Tonight it was feelings for somebody that I thought had gone away. This, I think, is the worst kind of bother. If I'm worried about something to do with money or work or general discontentment, it's to do with me and my life, so I can change it or fix it or work at it at least. But in relationships it's 2 minds and unfortunately, more often than not, they're not thinking the same things. I can't change that, or fix it, or work at it by myself. That would make the game a little too easy now, wouldn't it. I'm not a fan of rulebooks, but I'm beginning to think that a quick start guide might be useful.