tbh.

I guess the most interesting blog posts are the really honest ones. Especially on a blog like this one which isn't for one sole purpose like saving the world or keeping track of anything more significant than my own thoughts.

Each Sunday evening for the past, lets say 3 weeks, I have come home from church youth programs feeling upset. Fed up. Angry. Discouraged. Clueless. And wee doses of lots of other emotions all rolled into one. A mental health analysis at this time each week would be interesting at the very least.

A good friend and a mentor put it very well this evening, "...I was my happiest and most miserable at the same time". I'm happy because I see changes on the horizon, because of encouraging conversations I've had and because here lies an opportunity to step up and be challenged in ways that will help so much in my professional and spiritual development. And all this right on my doorstep, no need to fly to the other side of the world. But...

I am miserable because out of a congregation of 250, I'm the only one there on a Sunday evening cleaning up and locking up. Because having a burden in your heart for a group of young people means you get sad sometimes. Because I miss my friends that used to be down there with me. Because every so often I doubt my ability to overcome this challenge, to make a little difference in the young people I care for.

But I will go to sleep and rest my mind and all these racing thoughts inside it and I will wake up tomorrow feeling a little bit better. And I'll move forward from there.